Miscarriage & Stillbirth

Tonight as I was watching some vidoes on youtube about birth, homebirth, waterbirth, etc. I came across a video that was in memory of a stillbirth baby. This baby was born at 21 weeks. As they showed pictures, I couldn't believe how perfect this little baby was. At 21 weeks it was so little (only fitting into a cupped set of hands) but it was just so perfect and little.

I feel like once the first trimester is finished that women feel like they're through the "what if" stage. I know thats how I was when I was pregnant. I didnt really want to celebrate until I was 14 weeks. Once I hit 14 weeks, I was clear! Thats so not the case!

I stumbled across another video that was in memory of another couples baby. Annika they named her. She was born at 38 weeks. Her mom noticed that one day she wasn't as active as usual, and so they went in. She had no heartbeat. Who would've though at 38 weeks a picture perfect pregnancy could go "so wrong." God often has another plan, and in the midst we just dont understand it.

As a doula I"m going to have to come face to face with these issues. Miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. I dont think anything can ever prepare anyone for something like this... but I had my eyes opened a few weeks ago.

One of my girlfriends who is pregnant went in for her 20 week ultrasound. This is supposed to be one of the most exciting days of a pregnancy! Getting to see your baby for the first time on that ultrasound screen. For her I can only think that itwas probably one of the saddest days she's had. Her baby didnt have a heartbeat. I guess it had abnormalities and they were surprised that the baby lived as long as it did. As I read her e-mail that she sent out to her friends letting them know of their news my heart broke. No parent should ever have to loose a child and no mother should have to loose her baby who hasn't been born.

She had to wait a day or two before she could be induced. At 20 weeks, she still had to deliver her baby. Either her body would kick in and her contractions would start or she would be induced. However at 20 weeks she wouldn't have to dialate to 10 cm, because her baby was so little. Let me tell you, I prayed and prayed and prayed for her and her family. I prayed that God would work through the situation, I prayed that the right doctors and nurses would be on staff, I prayed for her body, for her husband and their son who is 2.

A night later I received another e-mail from her. I guess that the nurses told her they've never had a delivery that went so smoothly with no issues like hers. Prayers answered! No complications. Prayers Answered! God worked through a situation like this. And as I questioned God "How could this happen!? Why would you let this happen!!" He continued to say to me "Although it feels like I dont have a plan in all of this, take comfort because I know what I'm doing."

Miscarriage and stillbirth is more common than people think, or lead on. I feel like its a hush, hush, thing. Women blame themselves often times when either one of these things occour, and often dont grieve the loss of their little one! I'm blessed (at this point in my life!) that I've never had to go through the pain of a miscarriage, however I know numerous women that have.

For myself in this situation, my heart broke for my girlfriend mostly because the days after when her body was going through all of the hormonal changes, her milk was coming in, and her body healing from labor, she had empty arms! However, I believe that God works through that as well. She only looks ahead to one day at a time, and gets through it.

I felt that I needed to share this experience as well as discuss this because so many have had to go through the loss of a child (unborn, or born!) and just because its stillbirth, or a miscarriage it doesn't make it any easier! As a doula its my role to support a couple or just the mother for a child that had a beating little heart or not. I'm learning slowly but surely, let me tell you its not easy thats for sure! Without my faith I dont think I could get through experiences like this. God continues to hold my hand and say "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."