Who am I

While my sister and brother in law were staying with us, Andy and I had the opportunity to go out for coffee one evening. To be honest we both didnt particularly feel like getting out and we werent in the best of moods but we thought since we have the chance we might as well take it. Im glad we did. Its been since last January (New Years Eve!) since we went out for coffee and just sat like that.

We talked about our relationship mostly, some issues we've been having and a few other topics. One of the things we discussed was our time outside of our relationship. Things that Id like to do for me and things Andy would like to do for him. Im going to talk about me, because its easier and I dont think its my place to share Andy's "stuff".

At one of my moms groups 2 weeks ago we had a life coach come in and speak. I think I mentioned her. One of the activities we did was if we had more time what would we do. We got into groups and wrote down everything we would do if we had more time for ourselves. From taking a walk or bath to a dance class, or just simply reading or scrap booking everything was on the list. It really made me think. When she first said the question I had a hard time with it. I had no clue. How sad is that. Sometimes I feel like I get so wrapped up in being a mom and a wife that I dont take time for myself. Not because of anyone else's actions but because of myself stopping myself.

Before the summer started one of the things I had looked into doing was taking an abstract art class. Dont get me wrong here, I in no way think that Im artistic. Im fairly impatient and dont like to take time to do anything like sewing or scrapbooking or drawing. Both of my sisters are awesome artists but I feel like I didnt get that gene. Abstract art is easy for me because its really of nothing. Its always caught my attention, and I finally picked up some canvases and did a few. I did a small conference at my parents church and one of them was on art. It was basically about being wrapped up in the spirit and having God take you on a journey through your art. It was very neat and extremely eye openning. That night after I came home and put Eli down I pulled out a canvas and turned some worship music on and went to it. When I was finished to be honest I didnt like what I saw on the canvas. It didnt look like art to me but ohwell. I put it up in my bathroom and stood back to look at it. So here's the thing, when I painted the picture I did it horizontally and when I put it up on the wall I hung it vertically, without really thinking. When I stood back to look at the picture I noticed something... in the right hand corner "Eli" was written in hand writing. When I was finished my painting, I took the excess paint on my brush and just dropped paint drops and squiggles on it... but when I hung it, it showed me more than just paint drops and squiggles.

So back to the art class. I decided not to sign up for it, being that it was quite expensive and I felt completely out of my element so I didnt go for it. When the life coach started talking about these things I felt extremely sad that I didnt take it. The only excuse I had was me. Andy had said "Go for it!" and I said "No, I dont think so." But while we were out for coffee I brought it up... over my crying fest to be honest.

 I was crying because I feel like somewhere in between being a mom and wife I've lost myself. I lost Karla. Who am I? I used to love to dance, and sing and read. I used to journal all the time, write letters or make cards to encourage friends. The list goes on, but why did I stop? I feel like I need to find myself apart from being a wife and mom.

So needless to say, I came home that night and decided I needed to take the art class. I signed up for the class, despite the price tag, despite my fears and despite the fact that I should be at home helping Andy get Eli into bed. I signed up so that I can find Karla, and learn more about me. Im excited, and completely scared, but this is a good place to start.

Picture

Eli writtenin the corner

Mmmm, hot chocolate powder.

Chocolate Face

Playing in the first snowfall

Halloween Night - Little Monkey