Dangerous Person

Yesterday I had the TV on as back round noise. The show on was The Talk. Have you seen it? It has a few celebrity women on it talking... kind of like the View. Same premise. They brought up the topic of your spouse being friends with someone of the opposite sex. Is it okay with you? Rules? Not okay? Some of the ladies had a double standard. "I love having guy friends, I have lots of them! But my husband isn't aloud to have lady friends." Kind of a double standard isn't it? Others did not have friends of the opposite sex because they didn't think it was wise for their marriage. 

I recently had a conversation with a good friend about protecting your marriage, and what that looks like. Honestly, Im proud to say that Andy and I are well on our way to protecting our marriage. And have been for awhile!

Infidelity. It can happen easily by letting your guard down. A couple whose been married happily (or what appears to be happy!) for twenty some years with grown children who are gone and married, or a couple whose been married for a couple of years gets bored, or becomes good friends with a co worker and one thing (that starts off harmless, or just as friends) turns into another and ends up being an affair. It doesn't even have to be physical, what about an emotional affair? Chatting with an ex online, or through texts is really actually harmless, or is it? Ive always thought if I receive an email or text from someone of the opposite sex, if Im not comfortable to show Andy, is it actually harmless? Emotional or physical its still an affair, right?

One of the things that Andy and I have always had in place is a rule that we wont hang out with someone of the opposite sex one on one. That includes friends, too. We don't actually have friends of the opposite sex if we're not both friends with that person or couple. 1)It opens a door to temptation, 2)We need to avoid what something may appear as.

 After my conversation with my girlfriend, Andy and I have added in one more thing to protect our marriage. The label: A Dangerous Person

What is that, you ask?! It could be anything from someone who I feel may be attracted to Andy, someone that I feel I may potentially be attracted to, a couple who we feel we're uncomfortable with, or we feel that someone could come between us and open the door to temptation, the list goes on. If we feel that a person or couple is a threat and could open a door to cause an issue we label them as a dangerous person(s). We dont have to go into details if Andy comes to me and says "I feel like so and so is a dangerous person." Its plain and simple. Its like a safety word.

So now what does that look like then, once the person has the label as dangerous? It doesn't mean that we cut that person off from our life, and never talk to them again, never be in the same room as them. But it means we do limit and watch how much time we spend together, or what we say, how we talk, what conversations we have, etc. Sometimes when you become close or comfortable with a person you let your guard down and sometimes your "filter" isn't there as much when your speaking. This is one thing we need to watch. Am I cracking lots of sexual jokes, or lots of sexual conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Is that dangerous person flirting with my, or my husband? Could that be deceiving to someone or appear in appropriate to others around? It also means that if I am somewhere and a person that we've labelled as "dangerous" is there, I need to make a point of not talking to him if Andy isn't beside me, or involved in the conversation. This also doesn't mean that we go and publicize that a certain person is a dangerous person to us, but Andy and I know in our marriage. And its something we commit to doing.

This is something thats been on my heart for awhile. I've always said that there is nothing more important than my marriage. Its so easy to let your guard down, and think something is so harmless. However, I need to watch everything I say and do around a man who isn't my husband so I know Im not deceiving or leading anyone on.