Selfish little old me & my birthday

This past week was my birthday! To be honest, birthdays always make me a little sad. Not because Im one year older, but because its kinda like Christmas. At the end of the day you always feel a little bit disappointed. Its something you look forward to, there lots of hype about it, and then it comes and goes just like every other day!

I do have to say though, I spent my birthday with some very special people. I went out for breakfast with my MIL (mother in law) and when I told Eli that it was my birthday, he exclaimed "Happy Birthday!!" My love tank was very full!! I dont know how he knew to say happy birthday, but it sure made me feel loved that my 2 year old would say it!

In the evening I went out with my bestest friend for wings and drinks. We had a great time chatting, laughing and planning our trip to Vegas!! Its coming up in less than 2 weeks, and we're so excited!

On Friday night, Andy planned a surprise party for me with our family and again my dear best friend! We went bowling, and even Eli got his own little pair of shoes and his own lane to bowl in!! It was very special!

But let me be completely honest here... I was a complete cow to my husband this week when it came to the topic of my birthday.  There were a few things that happened, and I was angry and moody with him. At the end of the day I was so frustrated and again disappointed.

"Why didn't so and so call me to say happy birthday?" "If my birthday was important to _______, they would've come to my birthday party!" "This is the second year ________, didnt come to my party!" "She didnt______" "He didn't_______!!" "Its my birthday, if I want to be in a bad mood I can!!" "Its my birthday, the one day of the year where I should get to_______!!" Fill in the blank I probably thought it in one way or another! It was all about me, and no one else! I went out of my way to make Andy feel bad because of one thing or another that wasn't done right or how I thought it should be!

Lets skip ahead now to church this evening. Eli & I went to church the 2 of us because Andy was at his best friends bachelor party (which he helped to plan!). Im always a little insecure sitting by myself at church. I sat in the 3rd row from the front, and there was no in front of me to look at. During worship I was feeling insecure, like all eyes were on me (of course, its all about me right?!) and God said to me, "Its only about me and you, Karla." And that was enough to make me feel secure and comfortable sitting there.

The sermons over the summer have really spoken to me. Its all about relationships, and it leaves me craving more! Thats how church should be!Thats how sermons should be. You leave wanting to hear and learn more! I dont want to miss a service because of how good the sermons have been!!

Tonight though... well it was again incredible once I could get over how uncomfortable it made me feel. The topic?  Selfishness    I sat there thinking "Really? Seriously, God? Selfishness??" After I've had one of the most selfish weeks ever in a very long time, I sit in church and hear a sermon about it? That can't be chance! There's nothing worse than sitting in church listening to a sermon that makes you so uncomfortable you want to crawl under the chair/pew! I think its always neat how God gets our attention, most of the time at least.

The sermon ended with talking about how a life centered on Christ will result in a life rich in relationships, and a life centered on yourself will result in a life void of meaning.

For me, this sermon was so convicting that 1) I owe my husband a huge apology for the way I treated him, 2) I feel like God just had a real talking with me, you know the talks you really would just rather sweep under the rug? 3) I really need to stop thinking about me and how I can better my life!

I've been wanting to write about my birthday for the past few days and Ive even sat down to write up a post, but nothing comes! Then tonight at church it hit me. I couldn't have been more selfish. It was poor me, and everything had to be about me, and no one else! Boy was I selfish. Way to get my attention and convict me, God!

If we lived our lives trying to serve others and not always make ourselves happy, how would this world be different? If I respect, and submit to my husband as Im supposed to, how would our marriage be different? If I wasn't so selfish to what I want, how would my relationship with God be different? How would my relationships with my family and friends be different?

Philippians 2:3-4 -Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.