Preachy, Preachy...

We had such a nice night out! My sister and her boyfriend came over to babysit and it sounds like Eli had an awesome time! They're awesome with him, I had no worries walking out of the house!! So we went out for supper, headed to ikea to price out cabinets and then met up with our friends for drinks and an appetizer! It was such a nice evening, and I cant even tell you how much we needed to get out! It worked perfectly to meet up with our friends!!

Tonight as we were driving home we were listening to Jason Upton. He is a Christian singer, and his music is fairly acoustic. I love it. My sisters boyfriend actually had the opportunity to go out for supper with him but turned down the invitation to take care of his sick girlfriend! What a good guy! So anyways back to us driving home. One song that Jason Upton sings, really speaks to me. The lyrics are like this:

I lived my life for a while

Asking for signs to believe in

God played defense in my trial

Quietly hanging there bleeding

While I cast lots for his robe

While I point my bloody finger

He pays debts that I owe

He says "Father, forgive them"

I used to ask for a sign to believe in

But he never gave me a reason to ever doubt Him

Give me one reason to doubt He is Messiah

Give me one reason to doubt He is alive

Give me one reason to doubt I am the apple of His eye

These lyrics speak so strongly to me, because I feel like this is exactly how I feel! I live my life looking for signs from God, asking for him to prove himself. This song brought on another conversation between Andy and I. I love these talks we have that are so in depth. I asked him how he knows when God is speaking to him, and when its just his own thought pattern. He said, "I know its God talking to me because His thoughts and words are not my own. I know how I'm feeling, what or where my train of thought should be going, and often times when God talks to you its completely different."

For me, the last time God spoke to me was last weekend. Over the past year I've enjoyed being a mom but let me tell you its been freaking hard! I've sometimes felt sorry for myself because our lives and relationship has changed so much. At times wishing that we hadn't gotten pregnant. This was only a thought until one evening as I was journaling I wrote it down and I felt like it was a horrible thing to say but it was how I was feeling at the time. I believe I wrote it out in my journal for the first time last Friday night. I went to church on Sunday morning and during the worship I began to feel overwhelmed with the words and music, and then God said it, "I called Eli by name too." God said this in the bible in Isaiah 43:1- "Do not fear for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine." And in that moment I just started crying. Just as God had planned for my life on this earth, He also did so for Eli and He also knew that there was no one else better to be Eli's parents.

All I can do is take great comfort in this! The only way I can describe hearing the voice of God is exactly how my incredible husband described it. Its not how my thought pattern would be. And for me on Sunday morning at church I knew it was God speaking to me because in that moment where I felt overwhelmed by my surroundings and the worship (aswell as feeling sorry for myself for the past few days!) it just doesnt make sense that me (being oh so human!!) would think something like that! God is so faithful, and He continues to amaze me and want more of Him.

This conversation was the perfect way to end a perfect evening spent with my best friend!!