Thursday, May 26, 2011

Bullying in the playground

My dad came over for a walk today, and the timing was perfect because I was going to head out for a jog. Eli loves (as you all know!!) having my dad around, and he loves even more that he's always willing to take him for a walk... or three!! We jogged over to a nearby lake and park where Eli likes to play. Eli is a very easy kid to get along with and when he's playing in the park generally doesnt have a care in the world. He toodles around plays in one area for a bit and then heads to the next section.

Today there were some other kids (that were older by a few years) playing all together. Eli walked over to one area they were playing in and as I followed and watched I noticed a little girl who was looking at Eli and as he approached them she said something along the lines of "your not allowed to play on here." and then proceeded to stick her tongue out in his face. Eli thought it was funny and laughed. As my dad and I walked over she told us that he needed to go somewhere else to play and he wasnt allowed in this area. She then stuck her tongue out at him again. I told her that sticking her tongue out was very rude and she needed to share. I said once she was finished playing he could play on the little car. She told me no, and we walked off.

A few minutes later Eli headed back in their direction and we went through the same conversation and the same sticking her tongue out issues. As we continued on around the park a few minutes later Eli went back to the same little car, where none of the kids were really hanging around, except the youngest little girl who couldn't have been much more than 3. Eli sat down on the bench of the car and she attempted to place her hand under his butt, and then whined when he sat down. I ran over and sat down beside Eli where she told me "No, he cant play on here." I told her, "Yes he can, you werent playing with it, and you need to learn how to share." Next thing she does is "Guys! Help!! Over here!! Come over here!! Help me!" Within 43 seconds Eli was bored and continued on.

So moms, what do you do in this situation? You are your child's advocate and need to stand up for him/her. Do you decide to go and speak to the mom who is standing in a group of other moms talking and laughing not even aware of the bullying her 2 daughters are doing to a 2 and twenty something year old?? Do you speak to the child, how do you handle it?

I have an issue with another child sticking their tongue in my childs face and telling him to basically in nicer terms "BUG OFF!!" I also think that children need to sort issues out themselves. Eli wasn't really bothered by the attitude the girl was giving her, but I was totally bothered by it!

So all you experience and inexperienced parents, and not parents yet please tell me how you handle a situation or how you would handle a situation.

 All I know is that if I found out my son was bullying someone and being rude like that he'd have one warning that he needs to stop sticking his tongue out, and share or we're going to pack up and head home. 

3 comments:

Paige said...

You cannot control other peoples kids or other parents actions... you can tell the child to share a be kind, but when you start to confront other parents, you may not like the reaction... I am sure she knew exactly what was going on and chose to ignore it. You can only teach your kids, they will learn that life isn't fair and people aren't always kind, but that is they are TRUE to themselves, they will be blessed with friends with the same values.

E. Tyler Rowan said...

I think you said something very key... "Eli wasn't really bothered by the attitude the girl was giving, but I was." If it didn't bother him, and he didn't ask for your help, chances are he didn't need help.

I totally understand the desire to defend our children. But the fact is, we won't be there on the playground at school. They need to learn how to decide what matters, how to defend themselves, and how to ask for adult help. It's best to learn it early (not so much for them, but for us over-protective mothers).

I agree with Paige. Unless a child does something aggressive or dangerous, it's seldom a good idea to talk to the mom. There are a few of us who want to know and promptly discipline our kids, but there are many more who will hate anyone who "rats out" their kid.

Sabrina said...

I doubt that confronting the mom would have gotten you very far, those girls learned it from somewhere, most likely their parents. And if they didn't learn it from their parents, they certainly didn't un-learn it from them either!
Your biggest job is to teach Eli how to deal with kids like that, and every parent has their own ideas about how bullies should be dealt with. I tell my kids to keep their distance, that a kid like that doesn't deserve to be played with and make friends at the park. However, if the bully approaches your kid, there has to be some different action; staying away from them is one thing, but you don't want your kids RUNNING away from them either!