If you know me, you know that generally if your my friend I will do almost anything for you. Iam a natural leader, and often times take it upon myself to set up play dates, go for coffee with a friend I havent talked to in forever, or invest everything I have to give. Iam trusting right off the bat, because I have no reason not to trust you. This sometimes leads me to get hurt. As Im about to explain.
But when is enough enough? The past little while I suppose I could say my feelings have been hurt a bit. I work really hard at my friendships and when they're not reciprocated in a way that I would expect its hard not to talk personally. Because I am a leader and tend to set up plans or initiate these things, often times certain things (like play dates, girls get togethers, etc.) dont happen unless I make the plan and make it happen. Im tired of feeling this way. Im exhausted of offering everything I have and not hearing back from some friends or getting an email or phone call back about setting up that dinner date. How many times can you try until theres no point? Dont get me wrong, I know life gets busy and things dont always happen like we'd like them to. I understand that for sure!!
Recently, I offered some support to someone that Ive known for about a year. She was going through some very very hard things, and some decisions she made really threw her whole life into chaos. We met to talk, have coffee and she poured (or so I thought) her heart out to me, and told me what she was going through. I offered some advice, and I prayed and prayed and prayed for her and her family, and offered everything I had to give. Everything. This weekend I found out some information that maybe I wasnt told the truth about everything. Pretty sure I was lied to, and I feel like a complete idiot. I cried tears of hurt, and my heart ached for her and I was completely lied to and deceived. Im hurt, and frustrated. Here Iam giving everything I have, and even making phone calls to find support, information and resources to help someone and Ive been made to look like an idiot. And I was lied to throughout the whole time and situation!! Ouch.
So where's the balance? Yes Im hurt, but whats the point of dwelling on it? When you try to get together with girlfriends, and it never works out, do you stop trying? Or when your generally the one who makes the phone call, texts, or emails to arrange things, and it never happens and then you hear about a small get together between one or two of your friends that happened the same week you tried to set something up, then what? Why are friendships with girls so hard? And does anyone else hate conflict and try to shove it under the rug, and then it just builds up and builds up? How do you handle that?
Am I completely off my rocker and just acting like a 5 year old? Once you find those friends, dont you just wanna hang on for deer life?? Anyways, thats something that has been on my heart for awhile, and something Ive been struggling over. Thats just me though, maybe Im crazy. I probably am.
1 comment:
I find the same is true for me, Karla. For a lot of years I wondered if something was wrong with me. Why weren't my efforts being reciprocated? What I've come to realize is that there are just a lot of people who sit back and let life happen. They are not leaders, not planners, not go-getters. It doesn't necesarily mean they're not as invested in the friendship as me, just that they don't have the same strengths I have. Because I am a planner and a leader, those friends tend to rely on me to take charge.
As for the situation where you are feeling used and manipulated, let me just encourage you with the words someone recently used to encourage me... Trust God to be your defender. He is the God of justice. He will make things right.
Praying for you, friend.
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